I just can’t resist that sweet green caffeinated nectar of a Mountain Dew, however, I have recently and unwillingly had to give it up. It seems my doctor believes that the amount of sugar in Mountain Dew and my excessive intake is just not good for my diabetes.
I personally think it is a conspiracy between my wife and my doctor to torture me, although they claimed to only be concerned with my health. Despite my paranoia, I decided they had a legitimate point and sadly drank my last Dew a few weeks ago.
Well it only took a couple a of days before the crankiness set in and the throbbing pain of what my doctor so lovingly called “caffeine withdrawal headaches”. Caffeine headaches? Really? The paranoid side of me started to wonder what they really put in Mountain Dew? I shook off that crazy thought and eventually came to my senses, put away my tinfoil hat, and begin to look for an alternative fix.
As I frantically rummaged through the kitchen, I came across an old dusty coffee pot hidden in the back of the pantry. Eureka, a source of caffeine with no sugar, I can’t possible go wrong here! I never have been a big coffee drinker but that was about to change! Since we only break out the coffee pot for company, it took a bit more rummaging before I was able to find what I needed. One stale can of coffee-it will have to do for now, paper filters, and one coffee cup from the “good dishes” I am not allowed to use. I never understood why we needed a set of “good dishes” just for company, but I digress.
Intent on curing my headache with as much caffeine as possible, I quickly begin the task of setting up the coffee pot. Within a few minutes the kitchen was filled with the smell of fresh brewed coffee. Stale coffee or not, the aroma was overwhelmingly intoxicating, which only intensified my craving. While it only took a few minutes to brew-it felt like an eternity- with every drip of the coffee pot slowly torturing me. I wonder what Attorney General Eric Holder would have to say about that?
The coffee pot then began to gurgle as if it was dying, signaling me that I could finally have a hot cup of caffeine coffee. It wasn’t the greatest cup of coffee, it was very bitter tasting but it was serving its purpose and it didn’t take long for the effects of the caffeine to kick in. As started on my second cup, I could feel my heart rate increase and the throbbing in my head begin to fade away. I had soon emptied the entire pot(8 cups)and happily found the way to my office.
I am sure all that coffee was not good for me, but I was feeling so much better that it didn’t really matter. It also made for a very productive day-I think-as I bounced off the office walls from my caffeine high. I was now talking nonstop as I was fielding the phone calls that seemed to come in one after another. I do apologize to the brave souls that called me that day, you must have thought I was crazy and I hope you can forgive me for rambling on. I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy this day and the energetic feeling the coffee provided, but I knew it was going to wear off soon-resulting in that typical caffeine crash.
This all occurred about 6 weeks ago and I am still starting my day with a pot of coffee and just a bit more self control. It doesn’t seem very wise to replace one vice with another, so I have been considering cutting back on the coffee too. Although, I doubt that will happen any time soon. Some would say I just have an addictive nature but I prefer to think that if you enjoy something-then enjoy it as often as you can.
I need a refill…